FCE 1 Essays on smoking laws

Here are two student essays from our class, and a version of the teacher’s corrections. This kind of writing practice and detailed correction helps students with their grammar and assists them in understanding typical English sentence structure.

Stop-Smoking

Topic: The Government should raise the Price of cigarettes to discourage people from smoking.

 

STUDENT ESSAY 1

Everybody know about addictions, because they have an addiction or because they know somebody that have an addiction. There are different kinds of addictions and one of the most common addictions is the cigarette. But, why is more common?, because is an addiction that seems to be usual for everybody and addicts live like a normal people. But, what we can be to change this view?, what should do the government about this problem?. A solution proposed is that the government should raise the price of cigarettes to discourage people from smoking. Nevertheless, this will be a good action?

 

The first reason because this action could work is because if the price of cigarettes raise, people will think before to buy cigarretes, because when families have a limited budget, they must choose between much more important necessities and this will cause that the purchase of cigarettes decrease.

 

Moreover, if people have a good economic situation, and they can buy cigarettes without impact in their budget, the TAX will be able to use to build hospitals to treatment of smoking people, and in more education about the damage that smoking cause. The education in this kind of problem is the best solution to prevent.

 

Finally, if cigarettes are more expensive won’t be easy get for teenagers or futures new consumers, and this causes the decrease of new addicts.

 

In conclusion, if the government increases the price of cigarettes, this will be able a good action to discourage people from smoking, because there would more awareness about this problem, also there could be more education and finally, this money may invest in the cure for this addiction and health consequences.

 

TEACHER’S CORRECTIONS 1

 

Everybody knows about addictions, because they have an addiction or because they know somebody that has an addiction. There are different kinds of addictions and one of the most common addictions is smoking. But, why is it so common? (So + adjective) It is common because it is an addiction that seems to be usual for everybody and addicts live like a normal people.(What does this mean?) But, what we can be to change this view?(Grammar/Meaning problem…) What should the Government do about this problem? One proposed solution is that the government should raise the price of cigarettes to discourage people from smoking. However, will this be a good action?

The first reason why this could work is because if the price of cigarettes rises (is raised), people will think before buying cigarettes, because when families have a limited budget, they must choose between their habit and much more important necessities, and this mean that they will probably buy less cigarettes.

Moreover, if people have a good economic situation, and they can buy cigarettes without impact in their budget,(WHAT??) the TAX will be able to be used to build hospitals for the treatment of smoking-related illnesses, and on more education about the damage that smoking cause. Education about these kinds of problems is the best solution to prevent people from smoking.

Finally, if cigarettes are more expensive, they won’t be easily accessible for teenagers or future new consumers, and this will reduce the number of people who smoke.

In conclusion, if the government increases the price of cigarettes, this will be able a good action to discourage people from smoking, because there will be more awareness about this problem, also there could be more education and finally, this money can be invested in the cure for this addiction.

 stop-smoking 2

STUDENT ESSAY 2

 

Cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive, and any addiction is bad for our health. If you decide smoking, the main problem is that you are affecting not only yourself, you are affecting the people that there is around you, and that people could suffer the consequences. It exists a big debate about increase the tobacco taxes in order to avoid that smokers continue growing. However, are there any decision or rule that guarantees that the number of smokers will be reduce in the next years?

 

What would happen if the tobacco price was raised?

 

Probably, the tobacco price must raise considerably to achieve that the number of smokers getting lower. However, with a higher cost of cigarettes, probably this would be a substantial step in reducing the number of new smokers and particularly the number of young people taking up smoking.

Also, owing to treat illness related with the tobacco is so expensive, the smokers would be paying in advance that expense. In fact, they would pay their future treatments and they would avoid that we must pay for them.

Moreover, it would be possible to save much money in order to create prevention projects or corrective measures for the future.

 

All that glitters is not gold

 

In spite of increasing the tobacco price seems very positive, it exists some negative points that we have consider.

First of all, if the cost is increased, this is not a guarantee to reduce the number of smokers. Smoking is an addiction, so probably it is so difficult to give up it.

Furthermore, if the Government raise the price of cigarettes, the people would look for substitute products like alcohol, drugs or similar things that they are bad for the health.

A very negative point to increase the price is that the Government would take in some money and we wouldn´t know where would go that money. Maybe it would be spent in useless stuff.

In addition, it would create a black market. The tobacco would be imported from countries where the production is very cheap.

Finally, who would receive the greatest impact would be the lower income people. They would increase their cost of living and their situation it would be even worst.

 

At the end…

 

Although increasing the tobacco price wouldn´t be a guarantee to achieve that the people quit the cigarettes, to raise the price provide more benefits to the population than keeping an accessible cost.

 

 

TEACHER’S CORRECTION 2

 

Cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive, and any addiction is bad for our health. If you decide to smoke, the main problem is that you are affecting not only yourself, you are affecting the people that are around you, and those people could suffer the consequences. It exists a big debate about increase the tobacco taxes in order to avoid that smokers continue growing. There is a big debate about whether to increase the cost of tobacco or not. However, are there any decision or rule that guarantees that the number of smokers will be reduce in the next years? However, will this guarantee that the number of smokers will decrease?

 

What would happen if the tobacco price was raised? No headings or questions in an essay 😉

 

Probably, the tobacco price must raise considerably to achieve that the number of smokers getting lower. The price of tobacco should be raised considerably to lower the number of smokers. This would be an important step in reducing the number of new smokers, particularly the number of young people taking up smoking. However, with a higher cost of cigarettes, probably this would be a substantial step in reducing the number of new smokers and particularly the number of young people taking up smoking.

Also, owing to treat illness related with the tobacco is so expensive, the smokers would be paying in advance that expense. Furthermore, due to the fact that smoking related illnesses cost society lots of money, the revenue could be used to pay for the treatment of these kinds of diseases. In fact, they would pay their future treatments and they would avoid that we must pay for them. In other words, they would be funding their own future treatment.

Moreover, it would be possible to invest this money in prevention projects and corrective measures (what are corrective measures….be specific!!) for the future.

 

All that glitters is not gold (I love this expression, but it isn’t suitable in an essay….)

 

In spite of increasing the tobacco price seems very positive, it exists some negative points that we have consider. Although increasing the price of tobacco seems very positive, there are some negative points that we have to consider.

First of all, if the cost is increased, this is not a guarantee that the number of smoker will be reduced. Smoking is an addiction, so it is difficult to give it up.

Furthermore, if the Government raises the price of cigarettes, the(Spanish/Catalan!!) people would look for substitute products like alcohol, drugs or similar things that are also bad for our health.

Another negative point to increase the price is that the Government would generate extra revenue and we wouldn´t know where that money would go. It could possibly be wasted.

In addition, it would create a black market. Tobacco would be imported from countries where the production is very cheap.

Finally, the people who would receive the greatest impact would be the lower income people. Their cost of living would increase and their situation would be even worse. (their lives would become ever more difficult.)

 

At the end…

 

In conclusion, although increasing the tobacco price wouldn´t guarantee that all people would quit smoking, it would certainly provide more benefits.

 achieve that the people quit the cigarettes, to raise the price provide more benefits to the population than keeping an accessible cost.

 

 smoking

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